I broke up with the guy I’ve been seeing today. It wasn’t a particularly long relationship, perhaps four months. But I evolved in ways that I haven’t previously been able to, or required to, in the past. This came about largely due to where I have been in my own head space and also partly because of who he is.
The biggest difference for me in this relationship was that I was able to love unconditionally. And by unconditionally I mean that my love required nothing, it just was. It wasn’t dependent on circumstances, his way of being or my expectations of how another person should be. I just loved him for what he was, and I still do.
I was also able to love largely without any attachment to him, our relationship or the circumstances. In hindsight, I may well have known that our moments together would be relatively fleeting, thereby subconsciously luxuriating in every precious moment as it was experienced. The power of channelling all my energy in the present with another, rather than rehashing the past or projecting into the future was experientially intoxicating.
But in time, in our own ways, the present moment began to be experienced in a way that was stifling the connection. The very same magic ingredient that let us each be exactly who we were and maintain our independent free spirits, also showed us our differences. I’m still not sure those differences were deal breakers in particular, but it was clear that it was no longer enough to just freely be, and trust that love would flourish without contrived intervention.
What we didn’t have naturally was an intimate understanding of the other. I certainly held great love, passion, respect and appreciation for him, but very little understanding of his inner workings. This I had consciously acknowledged along the way and just peacefully let it go. And I take a fairly confident guess in saying he really didn’t understand the spectrum of me in great depth.
Where it became clear that it was the end of the road romantically for us was in the value placed on mutual understanding. I personally am a communicator, with a desire to understand and be understood by my partner. He, on the other hand, admitted that whether he is understood or not is neither here nor there. And so we found a misaligned value. One that would be crucial in a healthy and happy relationship for our two very different expressions of self.
So, we sat on the grass discussing our feelings and our needs, ironically the first time we had done so, with quiet tears slowing slipping slowly down each of our faces, unchecked and uncomforted. I felt completely at peace with the decision, with a clear mind. Yet none of that eased the weight of my sad and heavy heart.
Once a lover and now a friend, I said goodbye to the delicious thought of taking that unpredictable journey of love with this one unique man. I have gained much in the time we spent together, not least of all an additional core value to add to my treasured cache – understanding.