No Full Stops

Musings on life, learning and soul searching…

The Creative Void 12 November 2011

Filed under: Conscious Choices,Writing Life — Rachael @ 11:59 am
Tags: , , , ,

Of the many trials in writing, I have taken on a pretty large one this week. In fact, you’re a part of it if you are reading it. It began with the decision to write, and I mean really write. Not necessarily well and not necessarily professionally, but I mean write as my life purpose. It is what I do and everything else exists to serve it. That was the beginning, and as huge as it is to completely restructure your life, it is not the hardest part.

The painful trial was birthing it into the public domain. I suppose one of my writerly strengths is that I find it easier to be the entirety of my messy human expression on the page, than face to face. But those pages have been mine until now, shared at my discretion. The thought of my most intimate self serving as a curiosity for strangers is alien, yet not nearly as confronting as the transparency I now offer to the people I face, who think they know me.

If I was the type to paddle in the shallow end of the pool, I would have blogged happily into the binary void. But in a moment of truth, I connected my inner world to the identifying device of Facebook. It felt like standing on the highest platform of those diving towers at public pools. And then, I let go. Diving head first into the deep end of nothing nearly as contained as a concrete body of water. I gave myself away.

In the tense hours that followed, I felt that something had been torn out from inside of me. I ached. And I ached at the hands of my own doing. I felt that as I became available to others I became a stranger to myself, so discordant was this feeling from my normally private self. I invited my world to peer beyond my extroverted face and into my introverted centre. The two now fused as one.

I am floating in the creative void, bathing in the unknown. I realise that I already am everything I ever wanted to be, and that is all there ever was, is or will be. It is beautiful in all it’s ugliness. I have nothing to fear but myself, and there I am unafraid. I am free now, I am all of what I am, all of the time.

I am a writer.

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4 Responses to “The Creative Void”

  1. Belinda Says:

    Yes, you ARE a writer!

    It is terrifying to bare your soul for all the world to see, but that honesty and bravery makes you, and your writing, all the more powerful. It is writing like yours, Rachael, that connects with people, gets into their psyche, and changes them – perhaps slowly – but irrevocably.

    Those who are a part of what you write about are proud to be represented by your words, and those who are not involved will surely be compelled to become so, through the beauty and strength of your writing.

  2. Certainly a very interesting theory. I will continue to monitor it.

  3. Cayden Says:

    No qetusoin this is the place to get this info, thanks y’all.

  4. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!


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