No Full Stops

Musings on life, learning and soul searching…

The Duel of Love 27 January 2012

There are really only two driving forces in life… Love and fear. Any thought, feeling or emotion can be traced back to have either one of these at it’s core. When you begin to examine your thoughts, words, actions and choices to determine their driving force you will discover how you are living your life… Fearfully or lovingly. I found this extremely confronting several years back when I realised I had lived the majority of my life from a place of fear.

This realisation came at a point when things were at an all time low. I found myself buried in a life that did not fulfill me, did not energise me and seemed to be a constant struggle. That’s when I decided to laugh in the face of fear and choose love instead. I mean, things were not working for me anyway, so what could be the worst thing that could happen? And if that worst thing happened, what was the next worst thing? And would it really be any worse that where I was? It was from my darkest days, that I started to change because I just couldn’t bear to stay where I was.

Love did not come easily back then because my habitual driving force had been fear for so long. Fear that I was not worthy, fear of change, fear of the unknown and fear that I would have to see and own all that I was. What I knew I needed to do was to make up my mind to identify the core of my beliefs and behaviours, and then change them. In the process I learned that those fears can only be conquered by their polar opposite… Love.

Over the years I have come to see that presence of love in my life is completely under my control. I decide how much love I express, I decide how much love I accept and I decide how much love I feel in myself. And it is my opinion that love and fear cannot exist together. They are binaries. I am wholly responsible for the state of my life and how I experience it. Even when I face the greatest challenge or the darkest shadow side of myself… I know the choice is mine. Love or fear. And my resulting experience will come directly from that choice.

Love is not something you find. It is not something you get given. And it is not even something you share. It is purely and simply something you give. You give it to yourself and you give it to others. It is created by each individual and felt as their own. The limits and boundaries of love in your life are the limits and boundaries you place on yourself and on those around you. We are all playing our own game on the field of life, challenged to the duel of love vs fear. The question to ask yourself is… Which side are you playing for?

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Running Out of Road 23 January 2012

Genre: Creative Non Fiction

 

Click here to read the story: Running Out of Road

 

This is a longer piece of memoir writing that explores the inclination of running away from the self.

This piece of writing was one of five pieces shortlisted for the Judith Rodriguez Prize 2011. To find out more information about this award click here: Judith Rodriguez Prize.

It is currently being showcased on Deakin University’s “Writing Evolutions” website along with the winning piece and other shortlisted pieces.  To read more of the showcased pieces click here: Writing Evolutions.

My story has been enjoyed by my peers for it’s real life drama and commended for my use of distinct voices. However, I personally do not like this story of mine… because I do not like the self that I had to revisit in order to create it. I suppose this is the nature of being human when we evolve into better versions of ourselves. So as cringeworthy as I find my story, I share with you on the chance that you may also relate to it.

 

Naked 17 January 2012

Genre: Poetry

 

NAKED.

 

Every moment that I’ve had

Every moment yet to come

Are my silent enemies

Because now is the only one.

 

Spent a lifetime hating me

In the mirrors of judging you

I’m letting all that go

It’s the only thing to do.

 

Meet me in the naked moment

Stripped naked

Don’t fake it

Stripped naked.

Press your heart right up to mine

And if it’s been broken

At least it’s wide open.

 

Stop drowning into yesterday

Don’t dream into tomorrow

Just breathe into the moment

It’s all that can be known.

 

To be all that I am

Tempts the greatest fear

I’m laughing in its face

Do you want to meet me here?

 

Meet me in the naked moment

Stripped naked

Don’t fake it

Stripped naked.

Press your heart right up to mine

And if it’s been broken

At least it’s wide open.

 

Nothing here but now

Time to stop and feel

The moment that I’m in

The only thing that’s real.

 

The moments that I’ve shared

The touches that I’ve known

Show me who I am

On this journey of my own.

 

Meet me in the naked moment

Stripped naked

Don’t fake it

Stripped naked.

Press your heart right up to mine

And if it’s been broken

At least it’s wide open.

 

Stripped Naked.

Stripped Naked.

 

(c) Rachael Morris 2010.

 

Choosing Sobriety 9 January 2012

Genre: Creative Non-fiction

In the past I used alcohol to escape my feelings, numb my mind and boost social confidence. The decision to release it as a coping mechanism was terrifying. Here is my story of making that decision.

Click here to read the story: Unsocially Sober

Now many months later, I actively choose to experience and feel life in the fullest way possible, meaning alcohol no longer plays a part.

 

Feasting on All That I Am 7 January 2012

Have you ever really embraced all that you are? And I mean all of it, no censoring, no compromise and without a thought to anything or anyone outside of you. I know this is something I had never done, or even really thought was possible, let alone something  I wanted or needed to do. Yet I have tasted this particular type of freedom very recently and I am now feasting from its abundant supply. The sad thing is that I never even knew how starved and emaciated  I was before.

All of my life I have played up or down different aspects of myself in order to just fit and be loved. And I have played with this formula many times without knowing it, changing and growing in different directions, with different people and circumstances gravitating around me. Don’t get me wrong… I have never faked anything… But I just worked with the ingredients of me instead of the entire recipe.

What I have come to understand now though, is that whatever I am… I get. So when I play small for others or even try to play up certain parts to be bigger than they are, all I get is a set of reflective people and events that are eventually and inevitably unsatisfying. This then enslaves me to what some people refer to as the human drama, where I feel things are happening to me, instead of created by me.

So why not be all that I am? I think it’s because this is the most frightening thing any of us face in the human experience, until of course you do it. Something finally broke inside of me and I could no longer contain any part of me, or even dilute it for popular consumption. I just didn’t care anymore. I was underfed and spent. But as all of me began to express, and just be… my spirit became nourished and began to re-energise.

As I regain my essential self, I feel full to bursting, with morsels of myself spilling out into the world. People seem to sense this and join me with appreciation at the table of myself. I don’t hang around waiting for invitations anymore, I’m the main event of my own life. Seems crazy that it was ever any other way.

In the words of Maryanne Williamson and used by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

 
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