No Full Stops

Musings on life, learning and soul searching…

Phoenix 17 February 2012

Filed under: Poetry,Realms of Writing — Rachael @ 6:05 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Genre: Poetry

 

 

Painted by Melonie Harpham

 

PHOENIX

 

My shadow was here

I suffered its tyranny

I felt it and stared

Till the flame in my eye

Ignited the darkness

And reduced it to ash.

 

 

(c) Rachael Morris and Melonie Harpham 2012

 

The Limits of Love 9 February 2012

I’ve been thinking about the idea of unconditional love for a while now. When I first starting experimenting with it, I focused largely on loving another person for everything they are, even if that included some elements or behaviours that I did not resonate with. No matter who you love, be it family, friend or lover, there will always be these differences, as we are innately human and individual in our expression of that. So the art of acceptance, appreciation and just letting another person be became my first hurdle in experiencing unconditional love.

Little did I know then, that loving a chosen person unconditionally is not the extent of what unconditional love is all about. I realised this when I became aware that I was not being unconditionally loved in return. While it is all well and good to give love freely to another, the way in which I express that will depend upon the other person’s response to me. In no way does this mean that giving love is a reciprocal deal dependent upon receiving love… That would be contrary to the term ‘unconditional’. What it does mean though is that my unconditional love must also include myself.

The question to ask is not, ‘How much does this person deserve my love based on their love for me?’ The question becomes, ‘How can I best express my love for this person whilst honouring and loving myself first?’ Applying this has required me to alter the nature of my relationship with different people along the way, however I have not had to alter my love for them. I just have to express it in a way that gives both of us the unconditional love we deserve. The limit to which I love and respect myself becomes the limit of the love I have to give and experience.

Now that I experience love in this way, I have become aware that the only limit that love has, is the limit that I place upon it. I can create as little or as much as I choose. It doesn’t cost anything, it will never run out and giving love to one person does not reduce the amount I have to give to another. With this in mind, I begin to explore the rules and boundaries that apply to the love relationships in my life. Even when I do unconditionally love myself and others, I realise that the next expansion will involve looking at the frameworks that this love sits within.

The notion of rules and frameworks by definition seem contradictory to the term unconditional. But I’m not sure if love for self and other can be maintained without some sort of agreed arrangement on it’s expression. Or can it? I am a firm believer in experiential learning, so I am starting to challenge all of my preconceptions of how and where love exists in my life. This includes those that are self imposed and those that I have inherited through social conditioning. I suspect that I am in for one very interesting ride with this, it will be expansive, exciting and probably a little emotionally risky. But with unconditional love for myself, I will be able to choose what honors me and what does not.

I know that the limits of love in my life will always be the limits of myself.

 

No Regrets 3 February 2012

You know why I loathe decisions? Because to make one sets you off on one path never knowing what the other may have held. I seem to have this deep seated fear that I will miss out on something, so to make a life choice of some description is agonising, because I want to have it all. I don’t want to have regrets.

This has manifested in my life as opportunity taking. One comes along and I cannot resist taking it up, lest I miss something amazing. Sounds great doesn’t it? No regrets and all that. But what happens is my life becomes crowded and complicated, always busy and barely present. I end up with a wonderfully interesting and stimulating experience high on quantity and low on quality. My fear of missing out is realised. But I’m not missing out on one opportunity, I’m missing out on everything in my frantic state of doing-ness.

So I decide to simplify. First I get clear on what my values are and how I want to experience my life. Then I look at all aspects and inclusions of my life: career, relationships, social life, material needs, learning opportunities and me-time. These are all held accountable to one simple question. Does this serve me? It is a simple qualifier that determines whether this activity, person or experience is bringing me closer to my vision for myself or not. Then I take a deep breath and do what I know I have to do.

Life becomes simpler and I become more present within it. My experiences become more meaningful and I feel somehow lighter. But decisions and choices come along everyday and I still find it challenging. Particularly when one opportunity will serve my vision for myself, but I don’t feel the timing or the circumstances are quite right. I pass it up feeling sick to my stomach, tortured with the question of, ‘Am I copping out or making a conscious choice?’ Is this just finding a way of rationalising the low road because the high road is too hard?

But in making my choice, I know I have actually taken a high road, one of the many available. My rational mind can convince me of anything so it is not a trustworthy source of information in this situation. I know I have made the right choice because I feel lighter, I feel inspired and I feel free. I know that while the other paths and choices will not be mine at this time, the one that I experience is right for me now because it feels good. So simple. No regrets.

What makes up your experience of your life? Is it serving you? What regrets do you wish to avoid? Check out this awesome blog post by Bronnie Ware on the top five deathbed regrets:

Regrets of the Dying

I choose to have none of these as my own.

 

 
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