No Full Stops

Musings on life, learning and soul searching…

The Limits of Love 9 February 2012

I’ve been thinking about the idea of unconditional love for a while now. When I first starting experimenting with it, I focused largely on loving another person for everything they are, even if that included some elements or behaviours that I did not resonate with. No matter who you love, be it family, friend or lover, there will always be these differences, as we are innately human and individual in our expression of that. So the art of acceptance, appreciation and just letting another person be became my first hurdle in experiencing unconditional love.

Little did I know then, that loving a chosen person unconditionally is not the extent of what unconditional love is all about. I realised this when I became aware that I was not being unconditionally loved in return. While it is all well and good to give love freely to another, the way in which I express that will depend upon the other person’s response to me. In no way does this mean that giving love is a reciprocal deal dependent upon receiving love… That would be contrary to the term ‘unconditional’. What it does mean though is that my unconditional love must also include myself.

The question to ask is not, ‘How much does this person deserve my love based on their love for me?’ The question becomes, ‘How can I best express my love for this person whilst honouring and loving myself first?’ Applying this has required me to alter the nature of my relationship with different people along the way, however I have not had to alter my love for them. I just have to express it in a way that gives both of us the unconditional love we deserve. The limit to which I love and respect myself becomes the limit of the love I have to give and experience.

Now that I experience love in this way, I have become aware that the only limit that love has, is the limit that I place upon it. I can create as little or as much as I choose. It doesn’t cost anything, it will never run out and giving love to one person does not reduce the amount I have to give to another. With this in mind, I begin to explore the rules and boundaries that apply to the love relationships in my life. Even when I do unconditionally love myself and others, I realise that the next expansion will involve looking at the frameworks that this love sits within.

The notion of rules and frameworks by definition seem contradictory to the term unconditional. But I’m not sure if love for self and other can be maintained without some sort of agreed arrangement on it’s expression. Or can it? I am a firm believer in experiential learning, so I am starting to challenge all of my preconceptions of how and where love exists in my life. This includes those that are self imposed and those that I have inherited through social conditioning. I suspect that I am in for one very interesting ride with this, it will be expansive, exciting and probably a little emotionally risky. But with unconditional love for myself, I will be able to choose what honors me and what does not.

I know that the limits of love in my life will always be the limits of myself.


The Duel of Love 27 January 2012

There are really only two driving forces in life… Love and fear. Any thought, feeling or emotion can be traced back to have either one of these at it’s core. When you begin to examine your thoughts, words, actions and choices to determine their driving force you will discover how you are living your life… Fearfully or lovingly. I found this extremely confronting several years back when I realised I had lived the majority of my life from a place of fear.

This realisation came at a point when things were at an all time low. I found myself buried in a life that did not fulfill me, did not energise me and seemed to be a constant struggle. That’s when I decided to laugh in the face of fear and choose love instead. I mean, things were not working for me anyway, so what could be the worst thing that could happen? And if that worst thing happened, what was the next worst thing? And would it really be any worse that where I was? It was from my darkest days, that I started to change because I just couldn’t bear to stay where I was.

Love did not come easily back then because my habitual driving force had been fear for so long. Fear that I was not worthy, fear of change, fear of the unknown and fear that I would have to see and own all that I was. What I knew I needed to do was to make up my mind to identify the core of my beliefs and behaviours, and then change them. In the process I learned that those fears can only be conquered by their polar opposite… Love.

Over the years I have come to see that presence of love in my life is completely under my control. I decide how much love I express, I decide how much love I accept and I decide how much love I feel in myself. And it is my opinion that love and fear cannot exist together. They are binaries. I am wholly responsible for the state of my life and how I experience it. Even when I face the greatest challenge or the darkest shadow side of myself… I know the choice is mine. Love or fear. And my resulting experience will come directly from that choice.

Love is not something you find. It is not something you get given. And it is not even something you share. It is purely and simply something you give. You give it to yourself and you give it to others. It is created by each individual and felt as their own. The limits and boundaries of love in your life are the limits and boundaries you place on yourself and on those around you. We are all playing our own game on the field of life, challenged to the duel of love vs fear. The question to ask yourself is… Which side are you playing for?


Naked 17 January 2012

Genre: Poetry




Every moment that I’ve had

Every moment yet to come

Are my silent enemies

Because now is the only one.


Spent a lifetime hating me

In the mirrors of judging you

I’m letting all that go

It’s the only thing to do.


Meet me in the naked moment

Stripped naked

Don’t fake it

Stripped naked.

Press your heart right up to mine

And if it’s been broken

At least it’s wide open.


Stop drowning into yesterday

Don’t dream into tomorrow

Just breathe into the moment

It’s all that can be known.


To be all that I am

Tempts the greatest fear

I’m laughing in its face

Do you want to meet me here?


Meet me in the naked moment

Stripped naked

Don’t fake it

Stripped naked.

Press your heart right up to mine

And if it’s been broken

At least it’s wide open.


Nothing here but now

Time to stop and feel

The moment that I’m in

The only thing that’s real.


The moments that I’ve shared

The touches that I’ve known

Show me who I am

On this journey of my own.


Meet me in the naked moment

Stripped naked

Don’t fake it

Stripped naked.

Press your heart right up to mine

And if it’s been broken

At least it’s wide open.


Stripped Naked.

Stripped Naked.


(c) Rachael Morris 2010.


Feasting on All That I Am 7 January 2012

Have you ever really embraced all that you are? And I mean all of it, no censoring, no compromise and without a thought to anything or anyone outside of you. I know this is something I had never done, or even really thought was possible, let alone something  I wanted or needed to do. Yet I have tasted this particular type of freedom very recently and I am now feasting from its abundant supply. The sad thing is that I never even knew how starved and emaciated  I was before.

All of my life I have played up or down different aspects of myself in order to just fit and be loved. And I have played with this formula many times without knowing it, changing and growing in different directions, with different people and circumstances gravitating around me. Don’t get me wrong… I have never faked anything… But I just worked with the ingredients of me instead of the entire recipe.

What I have come to understand now though, is that whatever I am… I get. So when I play small for others or even try to play up certain parts to be bigger than they are, all I get is a set of reflective people and events that are eventually and inevitably unsatisfying. This then enslaves me to what some people refer to as the human drama, where I feel things are happening to me, instead of created by me.

So why not be all that I am? I think it’s because this is the most frightening thing any of us face in the human experience, until of course you do it. Something finally broke inside of me and I could no longer contain any part of me, or even dilute it for popular consumption. I just didn’t care anymore. I was underfed and spent. But as all of me began to express, and just be… my spirit became nourished and began to re-energise.

As I regain my essential self, I feel full to bursting, with morsels of myself spilling out into the world. People seem to sense this and join me with appreciation at the table of myself. I don’t hang around waiting for invitations anymore, I’m the main event of my own life. Seems crazy that it was ever any other way.

In the words of Maryanne Williamson and used by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


Losing Trust 2 December 2011

Filed under: Creating Love,Writing Life — Rachael @ 12:32 pm
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There is a certain amount of irony to the notion of trust. I mean, if it were never broken, it’s very existence would be superfluous, it would be inherent in all of us. Yet it is not. Some of us trust easily and some of us never really trust. But is it really about other people? What if we only looked at trust within ourselves? I’m not entirely sure this is a valid idea, but stay with me while I chew on it for a bit.

If I think back to times when another person broke my trust, it is all too easy to rest in the belief that they lied, or cheated or did the wrong thing. And maybe they did from my perspective. But if I remember back to that relationship (whatever it was), I find that I had also broken trust in some way. It may have been that I had stopped authentically engaging with that person, or I was trying to control how the relationship existed or even that I was ignoring truths in myself.

Perhaps this is why trust is a given in some relationships and a tentative agreement in others. Because when it is naturally there, it requires no thought or intervention, it just feels right and safe. If I am making a conscious decision to trust, there is already something there that goes against this. Owing to the fact that this is within me, then surely the obligation rests upon me to interact with that person accordingly. Based on what is in me I can honour myself and the other by allowing the relationship to be what it is, rather than what I think it should be, or what I would like it to be.

I have found that I can’t just think a situation into being, whether that situation is an event, a relationship or the way I want to be myself. It requires me to just be it first. Simply put, you get what you are. If I want to share trust with another person, I must first have that trust in myself. And it is not a trust of the other, it is trust of myself. It is the knowledge that I will attract people into my life that resonate with what I am, and it is with these people that trust is a non-issue.

The issue of course may be that these people are not what I want, or don’t interact with me in the way I would like. This then is my signal that I am not being these things myself. Until my way of being matches my idea of what I want, I won’t find trust within myself or another. It will always be a constructed and manipulated mind game. How can I really expect trust to exist under these circumstances? The whole point being, I don’t need trust if I am trust.

I trust myself to feel the relationship’s truth and respond authentically. I trust that I will get what I am. I let the idea of trusting another go. I know that to trust another is to trust myself.

Just some ideas… How do you trust?


Finding Fear 21 November 2011

Filed under: Creating Love,Writing Life — Rachael @ 9:45 am
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I was recently asked what my greatest fear is. Simple question that should have elicited a simple response, however I found that I went completely blank. This was somewhat disconcerting to me as I do not perceive myself as a fearless person, and would be more inclined to describe myself a little on the cautious side.  So what is it that I fear? I was so stumped at this question that I was forced to go back to my much younger years to get any kind of answer. And from my memory archives came a rich back catalog of fear.

Much of my past self fear has been seen and conquered and therefore no longer relevant in the fear category. It seems that fears faced, or even thrust upon us as a realisation of our projected worst case scenarios, are an effective antidote. And acknowledging all the past fear that I am no longer defined by allowed me to realign my perception of self and appreciate more fully who I had become. But I did find a few remnant fears that I was still able to identify with, even though they had been warped by time.

I realised that I had spent most of my life under the control of a fear that people wouldn’t like me, or even love me. This resulted in much of my life so far spent providing an entertaining performance of myself. I perceived what it was that made people laugh, made them feel good, made them want to be around me and even made them want to be like me. That was how I shaped who I was. Until I was left watching the performance along with everyone else, with no connection to who I really was. Ironically, it also meant that the people who loved me had no real connection to who I really was either.

Of course, for all the performance, it was largely informed by the values of the person I would always be, so that was all I had to go by when I decided to put fear aside and live as the person I was, and wanted to be. My life then began to grow out of my values. They informed my choices, my activities and the people I wanted to be around. This shift began a long and ongoing period of recreation and redefining how I would be in the world.

I did lose friends (and lovers), and I did find that not everyone would or could love me. But I no longer cared enough to give it any fear. The people who now see me, see the real me, all of it. That attracts people that resonate with my values and repels people who do not. It’s a pretty perfect equation to be honest. So I no longer fear that people won’t love me, I just trust that some will love me on my terms and the rest will either look to themselves or some other fearful person to make them feel good.

So my old fear that people won’t love me was set aside by my own love. The cure of the fear was not in proving it a baseless fear, that of course people will love me. Doing that only perpetuated it for many years. It was in overcoming the fear that I as a person was not lovable. And in overcoming that, the fear just doesn’t matter anymore.


The Value of Love Lost 10 November 2011

Filed under: Creating Love,Writing Life — Rachael @ 5:17 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I broke up with the guy I’ve been seeing today. It wasn’t a particularly long relationship, perhaps four months. But I evolved in ways that I haven’t previously been able to, or required to, in the past. This came about largely due to where I have been in my own head space and also partly because of who he is.

The biggest difference for me in this relationship was that I was able to love unconditionally. And by unconditionally I mean that my love required nothing, it just was. It wasn’t dependent on circumstances, his way of being or my expectations of how another person should be. I just loved him for what he was, and I still do.

I was also able to love largely without any attachment to him, our relationship or the circumstances. In hindsight, I may well have known that our moments together would be relatively fleeting, thereby subconsciously luxuriating in every precious moment as it was experienced. The power of channelling all my energy in the present with another, rather than rehashing the past or projecting into the future was experientially intoxicating.

But in time, in our own ways, the present moment began to be experienced in a way that was stifling the connection. The very same magic ingredient that let us each be exactly who we were and maintain our independent free spirits, also showed us our differences. I’m still not sure those differences were deal breakers in particular, but it was clear that it was no longer enough to just freely be, and trust that love would flourish without contrived intervention.

What we didn’t have naturally was an intimate understanding of the other. I certainly held great love, passion, respect and appreciation for him, but very little understanding of his inner workings. This I had consciously acknowledged along the way and just peacefully let it go. And I take a fairly confident guess in saying he really didn’t understand the spectrum of me in great depth.

Where it became clear that it was the end of the road romantically for us was in the value placed on mutual understanding. I personally am a communicator, with a desire to understand and be understood by my partner. He, on the other hand, admitted that whether he is understood or not is neither here nor there. And so we found a misaligned value. One that would be crucial in a healthy and happy relationship for our two very different expressions of self.

So, we sat on the grass discussing our feelings and our needs, ironically the first time we had done so, with quiet tears slowing slipping slowly down each of our faces, unchecked and uncomforted. I felt completely at peace with the decision, with a clear mind. Yet none of that eased the weight of my sad and heavy heart.

Once a lover and now a friend, I said goodbye to the delicious thought of taking that unpredictable journey of love with this one unique man. I have gained much in the time we spent together, not least of all an additional core value to add to my treasured cache – understanding.


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