There is a certain amount of irony to the notion of trust. I mean, if it were never broken, it’s very existence would be superfluous, it would be inherent in all of us. Yet it is not. Some of us trust easily and some of us never really trust. But is it really about other people? What if we only looked at trust within ourselves? I’m not entirely sure this is a valid idea, but stay with me while I chew on it for a bit.
If I think back to times when another person broke my trust, it is all too easy to rest in the belief that they lied, or cheated or did the wrong thing. And maybe they did from my perspective. But if I remember back to that relationship (whatever it was), I find that I had also broken trust in some way. It may have been that I had stopped authentically engaging with that person, or I was trying to control how the relationship existed or even that I was ignoring truths in myself.
Perhaps this is why trust is a given in some relationships and a tentative agreement in others. Because when it is naturally there, it requires no thought or intervention, it just feels right and safe. If I am making a conscious decision to trust, there is already something there that goes against this. Owing to the fact that this is within me, then surely the obligation rests upon me to interact with that person accordingly. Based on what is in me I can honour myself and the other by allowing the relationship to be what it is, rather than what I think it should be, or what I would like it to be.
I have found that I can’t just think a situation into being, whether that situation is an event, a relationship or the way I want to be myself. It requires me to just be it first. Simply put, you get what you are. If I want to share trust with another person, I must first have that trust in myself. And it is not a trust of the other, it is trust of myself. It is the knowledge that I will attract people into my life that resonate with what I am, and it is with these people that trust is a non-issue.
The issue of course may be that these people are not what I want, or don’t interact with me in the way I would like. This then is my signal that I am not being these things myself. Until my way of being matches my idea of what I want, I won’t find trust within myself or another. It will always be a constructed and manipulated mind game. How can I really expect trust to exist under these circumstances? The whole point being, I don’t need trust if I am trust.
I trust myself to feel the relationship’s truth and respond authentically. I trust that I will get what I am. I let the idea of trusting another go. I know that to trust another is to trust myself.
Just some ideas… How do you trust?